Wednesday, September 3, 2008

A Rapping from the Book of Daniel

Contemporary Worship is kind of a funny thing. It's mostly singing songs on a guitar, maybe with a praise band, and a sermon followed by more songs. But c'mon! Most contemporary worships are with acoustic guitars! That's so passe! They need to get with it and start rapping the gospels and hymns!

"The three illest homies that I've ever known were Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. All were taken hostage to a Babylonian land, Nebuchadnezzar held them in the palm of his hand. He told 'em 'Yo dawgs, I tell you what I've been feelin'. Get some training in this hizzouse and you'll be my Chaldeans." So the three young homies got into the training, they were wining and dining but their religion was straining. 'Cause King Nebuchizzle had the whole place jumpin', people bowin' to his idol, when they heard that bass pumpin'! But the three young homies didn't hang wit N's deism, 'cause they had a little posse called Judaism. But the king's advisors got supah pissed, and they pointed to the idol and said, 'you gotta hit this.' Shadrach called 'em out, and he said they was trippin', popped some Hennessy open and he started sippin'. The advisors grabbed their Glocks and they made some danger by going for King Nizzle in their phat Rove Ranger. King N. was at the club with his homies and his hon when he met his two advisors who gave him the 411. King Nizzle didn't know just what these fools they was seein', so he paid a little visit to his three Chaldeans. [Insert def bass line here] King Nebuchizzle caught the homies in the hall, and said, 'There's a party in my crib where we all worship Baal.' But the three young homies knew that Baal's reign was ovah, and they told the King, 'Son, you gotta worship Jehovah!' King Nebuchizzle whipped out his gat, said 'light up the furnace and burn 'em up STAT!' But the three young homies started acting real chill, 'cause the religion of God gave 'em balls of steel. So they walked in the fire, but they didn't burn up, King N was so amazed that he dropped his crunk cup. An angel flew down and asked 'em if they want water, but Shadrach looked around and said, 'Naw, we've felt hotter.' Abednego was itching from the embers and the smoke; Meschach was so bored that he started cracking jokes. Shadrach's bladder was full, and he started to shout, 'Yo dawgs I tell you how we could put this conflagration out!' So they started at the corner and worked their way to the other, and they put the fire out with a special yellow water. They walked out the furnace and up to King N, looked him in the eye and said 'you're living in sin.' King N was stunned at what he just saw, put his gat away, and said 'Aight, I'm down wit y'all.' And from that day forward all the fools knew better, the three homies' god Jehovah was a real go-getter."
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