Children's stories from my point of view

Children's stories always fascinated me as a child. That was their point, anyway! Mostly of the illusory aspect to the stories...elves running around, women with long golden hair that was strong enough to withstand men climbing up on it. But I began to wonder what a story would be like if I wrote it? Gingerbread men having their legs amputated, Hansel and Gretel getting some kind of fungal infection from walking around the forest for so long, the three little pigs blowing the big bad wolf away with an Uzi?
So let me know how you'd think I'd write a children's story. Enquiring Minds want to know.