Sunday, February 15, 2009

NPR (Narcoleptic Public Radio)

"And that was Artie Shaw playing 'Stardust,' for Mr. and Mrs. Robert Fanning in Wakiki, Illinois followed by Paganini's first caprice...played by Rudolf Lipschitz, slowed down of course to half tempo for our listeners...And now for something exciting [sounds of frog chirps, grunts, and croaks] No, listeners, that was not recorded at a muddy swamp in the flats of Louisiana.  Though it may sound like frogs, it was actually recorded here in our very own studio by famed biologist Luke Thatcher.  How are you...Luke?"

"Why....Hello and good morning. I am doing well, in case you were wondering."

"Well, no I wasn't actually wondering I was just going through a conversation initiation formality. But I'm glad that you are well. What can you tell us about your work and upcoming book 'Bombastic Bombadils?'"

"Yes, the S. frons bombadil. Quite a fascinating being. I've spent my life studying it in its natural habitat and throw everything you thought you knew about these frogs out the window!  My research team and I have stumbled upon the most important discovery of the millenia.  Contrary to what most people think, the S. frons bombadil does NOT attempt mating calls during the lunar cycle when the moon is at its apex, but it attempts them solely during spring tides."

"This is very interesting. Now, how come no other researcher has discovered this?"

"My team and I have scratched our heads over that one.  Apparently no one else finds them very interesting since they're so numerous in the US, they eat anything, and their habitats always involve lots and lots of mosquitos. And they have a tendency to smell like low tide and mud. But to me, I like that smell.  It's the smell of publication in scholarly journals!"

"I share your sentiments.  How is this discovery you found important?"

"Well, it goes against what we thought before! It's extremely important! I mean, this whole mating pattern is very important to their survival! It might mean I get to have my own office now and a salary of 25K a year!"

"My, if I could use a new-fangled term to describe this...that is 'cool.'  Luke, thank you for your time...My name is Anna Eisen of 'Exciting Discoveries in the Field of Science,' and thank you for listening.  Up next we have the Finnish electrical guitar virtuoso Yggdrasil Jorgensen describing his eclectic musical stylings of Paganini."
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