Monday, January 4, 2010

New Year's Resolutions

This is a new year and I'm working on creating a new me. My new year's resolutions so far are:
  1. Learn to fly. I tried to teach myself this morning by running across my room and flapping my arms like crazy. I fell down and hurt my back. Perhaps my arms didn't have the right angle of attack. But this just leads me to my next new year's resolution.
  2. Failure. I will not accept failure of any kind. Especially the non-advantageous type of failure.
  3. Scale Mount Everest. I will Scale Mount Everest while singing all the hits of Mel Torme. Without oxygen.
  4. Lectures. I'm seriously concerned about the lack of education in this country. So I'll stand on the street corners and recite free lectures for all the passersby about everything I know. They'll probably be really short.
  5. Art. I'll try to explore the subleties in the textures of concrete and debut in an art gallery somewhere.
  6. Performance Art. I'll scream at the top of my lungs for an hour while people pay me to do it. And they say there's no money in art!
  7. Advocate for Human Rights. But secretly I'll be spying on them for the Human Lefts.
  8. Brawling. I'll attempt to fight my way out of a wet paper bag this year.
  9. Pi. I'll learn all the digits of Pi out to a thousand places so I can recite it when I go to parties. I also plan on going home alone and crying into my pillow.
  10. Music. I plan on writing a symphony for a 300 piece orchestra. The only musical instruments will be pots, pans, forks, spoons, and blenders.

And there you have it. Look out world, here's the new me coming through!

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