Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I done got my hair did

After dropping off a jacket, gloves, and fabulous scarf for my mother, I went to get my haircut.  Haircuts are what I consider a two week commitment. If you don't get a lot of sleep, and your entire face is sagging in the morning, you can only expect to get made fun of for just a day. If you wake up with a stupid tattoo you can expect to get made fun of for as long as you live.  Even if you get it removed, people will still bring it up, "Hey Johnson! You remember when you got that tattoo of a machinegun wielding zombie unicorn? HA HA HA!" Bad haircuts last for about two weeks and you can expect to get made fun of for that long.

And it seems like most of the time women who get their haircut only get an inch or two taken off. And they always say, "Do you notice anything different about me?" to their friends. Their girl friends will always notice and say, "Oh my gosh! You got your hair cut! It looks great!" Their guy friends usually don't pick up on it, and say, "Uh, new shoes?" and then when they're informed that they should've noticed the haircut, they'll sort of blindly stare at the hair and say, "Yeah, you did get a haircut!"

When guys get haircuts, it's usually pretty apparent. Mostly because they either keep procrastinating on getting the haircut, so they'll come in to work or school with two inches of hair missing. Or they get such a hack job that it's pretty obvious they got a haircut.

For me, I always get bad haircuts and the next two weeks I'm always clipping stray locks of hair, shaving my neck, or trimming around my ears or levelling my sideburns because the barber or stylist forgot.  It never fails; they'll comb my hair or wet it down so much that all the mistakes don't show up until the next morning when I look in the mirror and say to myself, "I tipped that guy waaay too much."

Today was sort of a milestone in new haircuts, though. A new milestone of low, that is.  I got into one of the unisex, family style, no-need-for-an-appointment hair cutteries and sat down and said, "Yeah, I'd like a quarter inch taper with about two inches on top."
The person cutting my hair said, "Ok, how do I do that?"

So I had to direct her on how to cut my hair with clippers and a guard. Lame.

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