Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Shady MacDougal

The Shady MacDougal

There, once upon a midnight quaint, I paced around my septic tank,
over a cur'ous punchline of a joke I'd heard from the night before.
While I plodded, fingers snapping, soon there came a soft tap-tapping
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my own front door.
"Tis some hooligan," I murmured, "knocking at my own front door-
I'll grab the garden hose and run them off like I did before."

Oh yes how I can remember, it was not yet cool, dark November,
And yet the hooligans were already limber; out for Halloween,
dressed up like heroes from days of yore.

I remember encountering a shady macdougal, while I myself was perhaps too frugal,
on a kerchief sale in the department store, of the morrow before.
While I browsed the Chinese silk, the macdougal man of mischievous ilk,
crept behind me and offered to buy the kerchief at a price higher than the store's.
"Shady Macdougal, you should be frugal! There are plenty of kerchiefs to be had, and at your price, for four!"
Quoth the shady macdougal, "Nevermore!"

The macdougal man's gall caused me to think,
which caused my face to turn from tan to pink,
and my brain to screech, rattle, and clink,
as I dug through my verbal swordplay repertoire
"I find it odd a man can be as devil-may-care and full of esprit, especially when these times do deem, that man be as frugal as never before."
"That may be," the shady exclaimed, "but I received my money through ill-gotten gains, I fill my bathtub up with purple rain, and have Prince sing to me through the closed bathroom door!"
"That is preposterous!" I yelled aloud, "Is your head up in the clouds? I refuse to believe your lies that abound all over this department selling floor."
"It's not a lie, it's the stone cold truth! That's how I live my life, forsooth! I wouldn't even talk to you if you were rummaging through the free hand out booth!"
"Oh! Is that so?!"
Here we departed much post haste, from that multi-store marketplace. I thought of turning around and saving grace, but I told myself, "Nevermore!"

Late that evening after my meal, I sat down with a book and my mind began to reel from the happenings of that day, as my eyes fell upon the shiny pergo floor.

The phone rang and my heart did jump! I ran up to get it and did bump the receiver end off the hook and onto the faux hardwood floor.
"Hello? Who is this?" I did declare, and as I listened an evil air did permeate throughout the room as I heard a voice say "Nevermore"
"Shady MacDougal!" I heard myself say, "You better stay the hell away! I have mace and a baseball bat to keep you at bay!"
To which shady did say "Nevermore!"
My mouth began to spit and sputter, my heart began to twitch and flutter, my mind raced through the proverbial gutter, in short I began to turn into a nutter, with my mouth forming the words "Nevermore!"

Now I sing Prince to myself, but at least I'm in the best of health, I dance constantly to his records I keep on my shelf, and from whence I shall stop Nevermore!

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